I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize