OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
