and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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