Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
