you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
