but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I need moral support for this bender
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
