imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
