I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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