how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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