Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
