We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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