When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
