life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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