At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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