i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
