I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
