my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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