doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
