Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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