my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So much rum. So many feels.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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