Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
