they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
