come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
