You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
