so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
