Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
