im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Watching her eat just hurts me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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