I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
