I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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