I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
