I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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