apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
