Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
