So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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