pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
