Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
