good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
