redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
