I'm gonna have a badass scar
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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