he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
