this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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