You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
