yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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