ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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