i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is wine microwaveable?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
