So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
