i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
