i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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