Apparently you make a good broom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
