Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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