it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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