I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
