I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
