when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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