I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
