My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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