he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
