Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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