one two three fourrrrnication!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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