My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
