i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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