i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
