She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
