I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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