I want to have your abortion
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
