i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize