wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
