no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
