just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
