My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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