heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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